Pick me! Pick me!

Last night we had a church board meeting.  These aren’t typically an example of what one thinks of when one thinks of intense, high action, adrenaline rush experiences…and that’s okay.  I’ve been in board meetings that had all of that and though they might be memorable, they weren’t at all fun.

At this particular board meeting, we were required to undertake the annual responsibility of voting the officers and the portfolio’s upon the different board members.  It is a very routine process and there are generally not many surprises in the way it turns out.  I’ve been involved in this process for several years now and the roles seem to turn out the way I figured they would even without exercising any influence.  We all seem to have a general sense of the best fits.

Something about the process amused me last night though.  I wasn’t surprised by anything except once.  I was surprised by the sense of child-like gratification that I felt when I was chosen to be the Vice-Chairman again.  I figured that was probably the best fit and I would have been surprised had I not been nominated for that.  The amusement was that I felt like I was on the playground again.  We’ve all been there right?  Growing up, I don’t recall being the first one picked very often…unless I was in 6^th grade and we were choosing teams against a bunch of 2^nd graders (what one will do for an ego boost!).  Everyone knows what that inner turmoil is like when you are left wondering if you’ll be the last man standing in the lineup.

I was actually caught off guard by how liberating and uplifting it is to be chosen.  That is why today’s passage in 1 Corinthians 1:26-31 really stood out to me.  In these few verses, we are told no less than three times that God chose us.  Sure, you’ve heard that God chose you…pat yourself on the back.  Let’s look again though…did you ever catch what He chose?  It says that He chose the foolish, weak, lowly, and despised.

You know where we get tripped up?  We try to think in the past tense about these verses.  We think something like, “God called me when I was foolish and weak…but look at what He has made  me into now!”  BZZZZT--Wrong answer.  My Bible doesn’t tell me that I’ve stopped being foolish, weak, lowly, and despised.  Yes, I am certainly a different person now than when God first called me…because I wasn’t even a person when that happened.  It tells us here in no uncertain terms that the only reason I know Christ is because of God.  I did NOTHING.  I wasn’t in some celestial line-up raising my hand like Arnold Horshack saying “Ooo…Ooo…Pick me! Pick me!”  God chose me before I even knew about a choice.  I did nothing to merit His favor.  I wasn’t skilled.  I wasn’t beautiful.  I had no redeeming qualities.

“Well Donnie, that isn’t very uplifting.”  Oh yes it is!  In comparison to Christ, regardless of our great faith or non-existent faith…we are all foolish, weak and lowly.  Think about it…if we think we aren’t foolish, weak and lowly then we are full of pride…proving that we are indeed foolish.  The difference between our lowly humility and foolish pride is perspective.  Who do we think we are?  We can either boast in ourselves or we can have the correct perspective and boast in the Lord for His gracious choice of us...and live accordingly.

King of Fools...

As I look back on the last 15 years that I’ve been pastoring…I quickly recognize the seasons and shiftings of my approach to faith and ministry.  I started out with the destination of holiness…and a “don’t spare the horses” mentality.  I had a single track mind that was convinced that there was only one way to engage the culture and that was head-on.  Gee…that worked well.  It didn't work because holiness is wrong, but because I wasn’t holy.  I was judgmental, prideful, ignorant and an island unto myself…even if my intentions were good.

Ten years ago, I entered into my first recognizable shift when I came to Gresham.  I began to soften and see the bride of Christ for what she is…lost, confused and without clear direction as to what would restore her.  I was still judgmental and prideful but I wasn’t as ignorant to the plight of the church any longer.  I saw the need but didn’t know who I was or how to engage a generation of young people.

Five years ago, I found myself shifting again.  I felt like a fish out of water because I found myself embracing a postmodern mind set that I couldn’t really explain if I had to.  I just knew that everything that I had been trying, who I thought I was…wasn’t engaging the world of church ministry that I was immersed in.  Amazing, relational things were happening all around me in my regular life, but church ministry felt dead.  I was ready to throw in the towel and follow Jesus back into Frito-Lay and my community...except that wasn't where God would have me just yet.

Today’s passage in 1 Corinthians 1:I8-25 really resonates with the journey I’ve been on.  I spent about 10 years of ministry trying to convince the world that I wasn’t a nerdy Christian.  A lot of what I was about was trying to convince myself and the world around me that I could be a cool Christian.  Now my shift seems to have come full circle…the only difference is me.  I’m still trying to work out my holiness but the last 15 years have emblazoned one thing upon my heart and spirit and I embrace it completely…and it will really bother some in the church.  The greatest thing I can strive for is to be the King of Fools.

There, I said it…and it was very freeing.  God uses foolishness to confound the wise.  God uses weakness to supplant the strong.  I will happily be considered a weak fool in God’s eyes if that is where He can best use me.

Some drive me crazy...

Perhaps one should get out more if they have yet to hear the simile cliché of “Opinions are like armpits (butts, feet, garlic breath)…everybody has them and they all stink.”  This is only true if the opinion happens to differ from your own opinion.  Woe to the one who shares a different opinion and is vocal about it.

Today’s passage of 1 Corinthians 1:10-17 reveals that hard and fast opinion has gotten in the way of the harmony that God intended for His church.  Things appeared to have escalated from simple preference to abrasive and personal offense between factions.  That would sound absurd if it wasn’t so evident in the church of the 21^st Century…of which we are all a part.

Case in point, if you were to search the internet for a very brief time, you could discover quickly that there are a lot of websites dedicated to diatribes about spiritual leaders.  These writings and videos range from everyday contrariness to outright venom…and it seems that the majority would fall closer to the latter category.  I find it strange that some would dedicate such an inordinate amount of time loudly trying to prove the heresy of a fellow Christian teacher (who coincidentally always seems to be more “successful”).  If only they would use their influence to preach the message of the cross so boldly.  Yes, I believe that false teaching should be called false teaching.  Let’s leave it at that though.

There are some teachers, preachers, pastors, evangelists that drive me crazy.  I can’t listen to them for more than a minute or two before I really want to move on to something else.  I’m sure they are wonderful men (or women) who love the Lord with all of their heart…but their style is outside of my ability to engage and receive.  Their style doesn’t line up with my personal preference.  Case in point, I recently went to a conference that all of the speakers were really good but the one that most resonated with me wasn’t the one that resonated with the others.  The one that I like was extremely conversational in style…most like me…go figure that he was the one I liked the best.

Some really like the extremely passionate, shouting, old-school, fire and brimstone, slow sing-songing while enunciating that last consonant before adding “uh”…i.e. “Go-duh see-suh wha-tuh is i-nuh your hear-tuh!” (Most readers spent the time to work that last sentence out in their heads but now know what I’m talking about.)  That is categorically NOT my preference, my opinion of good preaching.  On the other hand, there are many in our church (if they stuck around) that would give their left arm for me to have that style.

God made us so different and I think we often get caught up in our differentness to the point that we think the way that we are as individuals must be the right way.  No…just different.  Have we become like those believers in the Corinthian church who began to identify with different camps to the point of not being able to receive God’s truth because of the medium through which He is speaking?  Ouch, I just nailed myself.

You gotta love em!

Some of my favorite people in the world are new Christians.  They remind me of all the years I spent working in Junior High ministry.  You tell a Junior Higher to run through a wall and they'll try it.  You tell a Junior Higher that they just need to run at it harder...and they'll try that too.

I love the passion and excitement that I find in new Christians.  It is so refreshing because it seems that the longer I am in church, the more dour the overall atmosphere tends to be.  New believers are the life blood of the church. Show me a church that lacks focus for new believers and I'll show you a church that is dying a slow, painful death.

In today’s passage (I Corinthians 1:4-9) Paul talks about how thankful he is for what he sees in these believers that he was responsible for.  Despite their problems and their immaturity, they have everything they need to grow to maturity.  God had already implanted every spiritual gift in order to catapult them to growth and successful maturity.

I think we tend to undervalue the new believer.  We tend to disregard their zealousness and fervor because they don't have a lot of head knowledge yet.  Because they can't recite the spiritual laws or know the "Roman's Road" by heart we discount their ability to be used.  Obviously Scriptural knowledge must happen, but it isn't to be placed on a higher pedestal than the Holy Spirit living within each believer.

I have a friend at church that has been saved maybe six or eight months.  Yet she has jumped into serving and mentoring and being used in the gifts that God has given her.  She is tearing it up in the spiritual realm.  Most significant to me personally is that she is one of our greatest encouragers, shaming this Christian of almost 40 years!

Wouldn't it be interesting if we did church differently?  Instead of making people prove their "faithfulness" by sitting in the pew for several years, we immediately release them in partnership with other Christians to begin serving.  Instead of making new believers run through this man-made obstacle course to ministry...we show them the goal line and let them start running?

I got a call...

I don't care much for talking on the phone.  I don't mind quick informational calls similar to a text or an email but I don't like to be on the phone for long periods of time.  Yesterday I was on the phone with tech support because my cell phone was once again not working.

I had been on the phone for forty minutes with 'Luis' while he tried to determine if my phone really didn't work.  I was asked to be put me on hold for a moment to talk to another technician and I made the mistake of saying okay.  I then heard a click followed the klaxon that sounds like the submarine is diving.  Forty minutes of frustration only to have them push a wrong button causing me to go back to the beginning.  The eventual answer was that my phone is broken and it can't be fixed.  Was it really necessary to go through all that just to be told "sorry, we can't help you?" ArrrrrRRRG...what a waste of time!

Caller ID is a mixed blessing.  There are times when I know who is calling (like a sales call or someone who just wants my money) and I can avoid the call.  Of course, people know when I'm calling too.  I  have to leave more messages than pre-ID....go figure.

This morning I read in 1 Corinthians 1:1-3 that you and I received a pretty important call ourselves.  We received a call to be holy.  That call isn't your everyday, run-of-the-mill call.  It's a call from God.  God Himself requested that we be set apart to live a life of His choosing and He gives us that wake-up call each morning.  I know when He's calling but how often do I  just let the voicemail pick up?

40 Days of Fasting & Prayer--Day 40

That God’s presence would INVADE my plans

(Proverbs 16)

Coming into this time of focused spiritual discipline I had a plan.  I had a plan.  My plan was to be perceived as some kind of spiritual giant (that’s too funny), butter God up and get Him to do something really cool for me and the church, and to hear the audible voice of God pointing me in the right direction for success and gain.

I’m not a total fool.  I would never have articulated my plan in those words going into this time.  In truth, the past 40 days has been a pretty humbling experiencing in many different ways.  My motivation wasn’t completely screwed up but I can admit that my plan, though not knowingly conceived in such selfish terms as described above, had ulterior motives of a nature that didn’t match what I convinced myself of.  What I said with my mouth and what I wanted in my heart were two different plans.  In short, my plan was not my plan.

Does that sound pretty awful?  It does to me and it causes me nausea whenever I see my plan for what it is.  Is this really any different than most of the grand plans that we make for God’s kingdom?  We come up with great ideas and great pursuits.  We even go a step further and develop those ideas laced with some spiritual language.  We then take a big imaginary stamp to it and call it God’s plan.

I have certainty that God’s plan was for us to fast and pray.  I have less certainty about the purposes of it.  This fast has been a journey of having my blinders removed in a lot of different areas of my life.  This is a journey that hasn’t been entirely pleasant but has had great rewards.  The greatest reward is perhaps having clearer perspective.  I have a better discernment about the chasm between my plan and God’s plan.

Today marks the end of an experience that has produced something that wasn’t originally in my plan…repentance.  I wonder—had I known this going in, would I have developed a different plan?  Here it is, day 40 and I’m talking about repentance?  Shouldn’t that have happened on day one maybe? 

We must walk in repentance as we embrace His direction for us on a daily basis.  We don’t like to come back and talk about repentance very often because it seems so ground level as it relates to the magnitude of God’s plan.  It isn’t ground-level foundational though.  It is the plumbing and wiring (that’ll preach!) throughout the entire blueprint of God’s huge skyscraper plan for us.  Fortunately, God’s ways are not my ways.  God’s plans are not my plans...but they can be!

“As I finish this fast today, I pray protection over the plans that You have for me from this point forward.  I believe that You have spoken to me, invaded my prayer life and set my feet upon a new path.  May my mind continue to be upon You as I plan out my heart response to these 40 days.”

40 Days of Fasting & Prayer--Day 39

That God’s presence would INVADE my expectations

(1 Corinthians 9:1-11)

I have written recently about my parents divorcing when I was too young to remember.  My biological father at first maintained some semblance of a relationship with my brother and me, his only sons.  I don’t know the details of the visitation arrangement but I seem to remember that it was magical when we got to see him.  I suspect that he spoiled us out of guilt on those occasions that we saw him.  Based on this history, my brother and I came to have great expectations of a Disneyland-like atmosphere whenever he would come to pick us up.

It was an early Saturday morning and I was dressed and ready to go.  Mom had told my brother and me previously that daddy was coming to pick us up that morning to spend the day and night with him.  I spent several hours on the couch looking out of the living room window down the street.  I was waiting for the familiar car to drive down the street.  I didn’t have the capacity to understand.  If he said he was coming then why wasn’t he?  This would prove to be the first of several identical mornings.  I was four when I experienced the first image-shattering event by the man I was named after.

At the time, I didn’t feel that I had unreasonable expectations.  When someone gave their word, I believed it.  If I was told something, I was too innocent to think otherwise.  It didn’t take very many of these let-downs to cause me to become jaded.  I would soon discard any of my reasonable expectations for an “I’ll believe it when I see it” mentality.  This isn’t a positive early-development trait to acquire. 

Looking back, I recognize that my expectations were reasonable but they were based upon one who was unreasonable and undependable.  I don’t share this for the sake of sympathy or just to tug at a heart string.  I share it to illustrate misplaced and unreasonable expectations.  When it comes to what God will do, our expectations are unreasonable.  They are unreasonably low.

This time of fasting has birthed an expectation of far greater things than I have allowed myself before.  This new expectation is NOT based upon the fact that I fasted.  On the contrary, this fast has only given me an awareness of the faithfulness and dependability of God that already existed.  He has made statements that I can take to be true.  I have great expectations through the knowledge that He is willing and able to do immeasurably more than I ask or imagine and He has never gone against His word yet.

 

“Lord, I pray today that You would invade my pitiful level of low expectations.  You are the Creator of the cosmos and yet I hardly ever expect You to create in my life!  Position me at the front window of my life like a child waiting for their Father to come home.”

40 Days of Fasting & Prayer--Day 38

That God’s presence would INVADE my value

(Colossians 3:12-17)

My daughter and I went used car shopping yesterday.  This is not an endeavor for the faint of heart.  The past year of part time work at TCBY helped her to save enough to buy her first car.  She has been poring over Craig’s List to find something that she liked but that her dad would feel is somewhat reliable.  The concept of value really came to bear in the process.

The first car we looked at was a 1990 Camry with only 98K miles.  Toyotas are reliable and it had a mostly straight body if you squinted.  The lady would take $1600 for it.  The cons of this car was that it smelled of mildew, the interior seemed to be soaking wet and the engine was pretty gutless.  I told my daughter that it was a bad idea and I think she was relieved.

On the way home, she received a call from the owner of a car that she really, really wanted to look at but we hadn’t managed it so far because the owner only seemed to be at home after dark.  You never look at a used car in the dark.  This was a 1991 VW Corrado for $1900.  The car had 133K and a lot of little things wrong with it...like the door wouldn’t open from the outside, a wiper blade didn’t work, a big vibration and various cosmetic issues.  That car sure was fun to drive though and the super charged engine sounded really good.

We drove away from the car, but my daughter was giddy about it.  We had been praying for the right car and we felt that this was the one that had the best value for the money.  Most of the fixes would be nickel and dime stuff (who am I kidding, there isn’t any such thing whenever I’ve taken a car to the mechanic) but the most important things seemed to be solid and it was her favorite color…green.  We turned around and she parted with her hard earned cash and she drove home in her very own car.

The value of that car increased as soon as Marissa handed over her money.  It was no longer $1900.  It was now priceless to her.  She saw through the flaws.  She saw through the idiosyncrasies.  Where others might not be so impressed, that didn’t matter to her.  She chose this car.  This car was hers.

Today’s passage says that we are chosen by God and dearly loved…WOW!  Despite my flaws and idiosyncrasies I am cherished by the God who owns me.  God doesn’t care what our Blue Book value is…to Him we are priceless.  Well that isn’t exactly true…we do have a value known only to God.  What we do know is that He considers us at least as valuable as the life of His only Son, Jesus.  Knowing this, I am forced to look at myself much differently.  It causes me to want to live up to how I am viewed…holy and dearly loved.

“Jesus, Your Word declares me as Your Beloved – I am alive, because You are alive!  I pray against the lies of the enemy that I’ve allowed to grip my heart about who I am.  I am Yours and You are mine!!”

40 Days of Fasting & Prayer--Day 37

That God’s presence would INVADE my hope   

 

(1 Peter 1)

 

I don’t think I ever realized how closely associated love, faith and hope are.  It would seem, and this is an oversimplification, that all three are just different forms of belief.  This would be akin to the water having the properties of liquid, gas and solid.  The difference with love, faith and hope are that they could be considered in terms of past, present and future.

 

Love was an action.  What we call love is only good intention until it has actually happened.  Love is belief that has been acted upon.  This can only be considered in a past tense.  Love is not simply the feelings that accompany action, it is about the action itself.

Faith is action.  It is something that is with us right now.  It lives in the present.  What we are doing right now is a product of our faith.  Faith is belief as it is being acted upon.  As you turn on the light switch, you exhibit faith that the light will indeed turn on.

Hope is a different animal though.  Hope has to be viewed through the lens of what will be.  It is conditioned by what we know of the past and are experiencing presently.  Love produces faith which produces hope.  I experienced Christ’s love in the distant and recent past.  This has produced faith within me that causes me believe in His goodness right now.  Because of what He has done and is now doing, I have a hope in His faithfulness to my future.

 

My all time favorite hymn says it best:

 

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace.

In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood, support me in the whelming flood.

When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my Hope and Stay.

 

The above lines are all about love and faith…past and present.  These are the foundations of hope for what is to come as expressed in the closing lines.

 

When He shall come with trumpet sound, oh may I then in Him be found.

Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne.

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness

I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.

 

The church is called to be harbingers of hope in a world that is without hope.  I’m afraid we misuse the word hope almost as often as we misuse the word love.  “I hope they get here on time.” “I hope I get diamonds for Christmas.” “I hope that so and so gets elected.”  We may as well say “I wish” instead of “I hope”.  Hope has the foundation of true love and real faith- otherwise it’s just wishful thinking.

 

“Holy Spirit, we live in such a hopeless generation and I refuse to continue becoming a product of this culture.  I pray today that You would open my eyes to see what You see.  Give me the eye of Christ so that I can live in hope!  Not just hope for my life, but to invade my culture with hope!”

40 Days of Fasting & Prayer--Day 36

That God’s presence would INVADE my courage

(Psalm 27)

I have never had the honor of serving in the United States military.  I have no stories of behind-the-lines bravery.  I have never laughed in the face of danger and if I did, it was because I just didn’t recognize him.  I don’t know what certain death looks like because I’ve gone to great lengths to avoid the introduction.  We attribute these kinds of experiences to courage.

I have never been keen on taking large risks that could harm my body.  I won’t be friends with adrenaline junkies. We attribute this kind of action and testosterone as courage.  My aversion to pain far outweighs my need to be accepted.  I might like to watch fights and violence (like most guys) but I have zero interest in being part of it.  I watch a heavy weight boxing match and know that there just isn’t enough money to entice me to participate in such an event.  Call me a wimp but at least my face is intact. 

I’ll likely never need to take up arms, and jumping out of a plane isn’t in my forecast.  How can God invade my courage then?  I think it lies in how one defines courage.  Courage: the ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty, or intimidation.

When I was 28, I left the stability and safety of my career to go into ministry.  I had a job making enough money to live comfortably on.  I left it for a ministry where I would make less than a fourth of what we were used to.  Some might call it courage and others might call it foolhardiness.  It could arguably just be called stupidity.  I didn’t think of it as courage at the time, but I do now.  Even more, my wife should be considered courageous for going along with her husband’s decision.

We live in a time when the church needs great courage.  We can be certain that we will face uncertainty.  To have great courage will require that we have great faith in what God wants to do.  God is calling the church up.  He is calling us to great exploits.  He is looking for a people willing to have courage in the face of opposition and uncertainty.  He will ask us to take steps that make no sense.

This kind of courage is impossible to have without having heard from God.  David shows us this when he says, “Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.”  Confidence in where God is bringing you causes the infusion of courage needed to steps into the realms of the unknown.

“Father, Your Word says that those that know YOU will do great things.  Courage only comes when we know the Creator of courage.  I ask today that You would invade my courage so that I can walk in the great things that I’m destined for.”

40 Days of Fasting & Prayer--Day 35

Feb. 6th-That God’s presence would INVADE my gratitude

(1 Chronicles 16:7-36)

Much of my early development and character was shaped by the story of The Three Bears.  This particular story has nothing to do with Goldilocks, as one would naturally conclude.  It had everything to do with a paddle that my dad made when I was three years old and my brother was seven.  Soon after its conception and for reasons still unknown, three identical stickers of a bear found their way onto this paddle.  In my house there was a spoken code that my older brother and I understood.  If we were asked if we’d like to hear the story of The Three Bears then we knew that we were a mere breath away from an unpleasant encounter with the paddle.

I know that there are a lot of people that disagree with that particular form of discipline because it will squelch your child’s personality.  I turned out just fine despite my parents’ non-issue with squelching my personality all over the house.  There is no need to write me with your disapproval of this (the parenting style, that is, you may still take exception to how I turned out)…you just can’t argue with personal experience. Contrary to what the picture might suggest, I have never used it on my own kids.  We used something a little more discreet.

My mother was instrumental in instilling a sense of gratitude within me.  It is a characteristic that I can’t attribute to anything other than my mother.  I’ll even go so far as to say that gratitude may be one of the few character strengths I possess not associated with the above said form of discipline.  Mom didn’t need the paddle for this because she lived it and modeled it for me and I caught it from her.

There is a running joke about my mom.  The joke isn’t at her expense as much as it is an exaggeration of one of those things that people admire about her.  Mom has never received a gift where she did not absolutely gush with appreciation.  You could give my mom a piece of raw pork in a dirty ash tray and she would squeal, “Thank you!!”

I am grateful for a lot of things, and that list isn’t limited to the traditional “wife, kids, shelter, health, friends and forgiveness” that we bring up before the meal on Thanksgiving.  I’m thankful for things we don’t hear about very often.  Things like the wisdom of elders, the friendship of a dog, Chapstick, indoor plumbing, heat, encouragement and buffets.  In truth, the list is too long for this simple blog.  The list isn’t too long to reflect upon in life though.

We have more to be grateful for than most of the world, but gratitude isn’t an earmark of our society.  I am convinced of this because of the discontentment that marks us instead.  Gratitude is the key to contentment.  When we are thankful for what we have, we aren’t driven to have more and more.

I inherited the paddle that was created about four decades ago.  It now sits in my office as a symbol of my gratitude.  I have gratitude because of the discipline from the Holy Spirit.  I have gratitude for being loved enough to correct.  I have gratitude that with His corrections come His blessings.  I have gratitude that He trusts me with His blessings.  I have gratitude that His blessings have led to great contentment.

“God, You are so wonderful and sometimes I do not fully recognize Your Hand working in and through my life.  Forgive me of my entitlement mentality and invade me with childlike innocence when I’m blessed by You.  I thank You today for sending Your Son to redeem me from a life of apathy and irrelevance!”

40 Days of Fasting & Prayer--Day 34

Feb. 5th-That God’s presence would INVADE my health

(Psalm 103)

My imagination began to run wild when I saw the macabre chamber of torture instruments spread throughout the room.  Being in this room seemed to make the walls close in on me.  I couldn’t help but envision the hundreds that had suffered in this cruel environment.  Anger began to creep into my mind that other humans could devise such machinations with the sole purpose of imposing pain upon the body and mind.

The guide seemed to show an inappropriate admiration for what took place in this room.  She seemed to take pride in being able to elicit the emotional response that she could drag out of those with a weak constitution.  I discerned that this guide was not just a sadomasochist but that she was simply evil.  With that realization, my blinders came off and I could see the long finger nails, the red eyes filled with glee and the protruding fangs.  Even with the awareness I was helpless to this seduction.  My mind was screaming “Run!” as my hand was signing on the dotted line.  This would mark the beginning of a long term commitment to the athletic club.

I hate, Hate, HATE exercise.  I reserve that word for such existence-altering things like taxes, rap music, the Brussels sprout, flu and exercise.   Exercise is synonymous to pain, boredom, futility and guilt.  Guilt was my only motivator.  If I’m going to spend money on this gym then I’d better use it.  Even that didn’t last though.

This time of fasting has realized great spiritual impact in my life but it has had noticeable physical impact as well.  I have lost more than 30 pounds and weigh less than when I was in high school.  I have returned to my lanky, gangly self of yesteryear.  More importantly, my mind and heart have changed in a lot of areas as it relates to my health.  The desire to take care of my body is much greater than it was before.  This isn’t age-related caution. This is a spiritual confrontation of my lack of stewardship.

My flesh wants to eat until it’s satisfied.  My flesh wants to betray me.  My flesh wants to stay comfortable.  My flesh wants more than it should have.  Don’t misunderstand me…I am not going on a health food kick nor have any imaginings that I’ll be eating primarily dry salad, tofu and wheat germ.  This fast has brought one primary understanding to me regarding my health--I mistreat my body by excess and laziness.  This fast has caused me to realize my need to fast.  Fasting has caused a humbling and obedience that I was busy ignoring due to my overindulgence.  This isn’t just about food and exercise.  Without a lifestyle of fasting that impacts my spiritual health, I find myself physically doing the things I shouldn’t do and not doing the things that I should. Sound familiar?

"Jesus, You said in Isaiah that my body will experience health because of the stripes that You withstood on that Cross.  Forgive me for not allowing Your work to invade our lives due to my disbelief.  I humbly pray that You breakthrough my unbelief and align my health with Your Word.”

40 Days of Fasting & Prayer--Day 33

Feb. 4th-That God’s presence would INVADE my giftings

(Ephesians 4:1-16)

I have a personal mission for this season of my life.  I believe that my purposes in a nutshell are to equip, empower and encourage.  I’m so grateful that God gifted me in three areas that start with the same letter as it makes it so much easier to remember who I am.

I look at my bookshelf and I see several books written on the subject of spiritual gifts.  I have DVD series on discovering my gifts.  I have taken several tests to determine how I am wired.  I have come across more articles than I can count that relate to this idea of determining what God has destined for me according to the way He has made me.  The topic of spiritual gifts has exploded over the last 20 years.  I think that these are great resources and I wish that I had written a book on the topic.  I could have made a killing except that the results of my test said that I wasn’t cut out to be a good businessman…que sera sera. 

Surely I jest…well, mostly I guess.  Four or five years ago I became enraptured with this idea of self-discovery.  The process of discovering my spiritual gifts put me into a place where I was asking God the same question over and over again.  “What did You make me to be?”  A picture began to emerge that resonated with me and I began to think of myself in those terms that I wrote in the first paragraph.

Fast forward to the present…does my life look any different just because I took a spiritual gift test?  No, but I do have a greater awareness of opportunities that I’m “gifted” in.  The effectiveness of knowing my gifts is directly proportional to my obedience to respond and move in them.  If I don’t respond to His leading, what does it matter if I know my gifts or not?

What I don’t like about this current gift fad is that it doesn’t account for a God who is transforming us into His image.  I can’t neglect His leading because “that’s just not my gift.”  God will ask you to do things that aren’t part of your makeup.  This passage says that it is God who gave those gifts.  It doesn’t say anywhere that God gives us some gifts and that we must now play the hand we’re given.  God gives gifts to accomplish His purposes which don’t always include our comfort, benefit or enjoyment.  A gift from God isn’t deemed good solely upon our desire to obey it.  It is deemed good because the Giver is good.

"Holy Spirit, have You not given me gifts from Your heart so that I would edify Your people and build Your Kingdom?  Your Word says to eagerly desire these, yet sometimes I'm not even AWARE of them.  I pray today that you would awaken the desire in my heart for Your gifts!"

40 Days of Fasting & Prayer--Day 32

Feb. 3rd-That God’s presence would INVADE my study

(Romans 15:1-22)

I may have not been a terrible student as I was growing up but I certainly wasn’t a good one.  I was distracted, lazy, bored and undisciplined.  I probably shouldn’t bother speaking in past tense as far as that goes either.  I remember that I would have much rather been watching girls, watching TV or watching the ball.  Studying only happened when I didn’t have these options available.  My idea of the three R’s was Romping, Rat Patrol, and Racquel.

College proved that the die had been cast.  I started off with good intentions but the only difference was that my three R’s had matured to Racquetball, Remington Steele, and Locklear (I know, but it ends with it…and you’ve no idea how long I tried coming up with a fit).  I simply wasn’t serious about my time in college and I constantly kick myself over this now.  I wasted a lot of time and money.  I look back and cringe at what little I have to show for the huge school bill that I departed with.  In addition to that, I left college with an underdeveloped level of discipline as it relates to study.  I did only what I needed to get by…not a very marketable skill or something to admit on a job application.

In large part, when we become adults we cease to be students.  We tend to stop actively learning because we aren’t getting graded.  There is no motivation to push ourselves unless there is a deadline or other pressure forcing the issue.  We become stagnant and resort to our own renditions of the 3 R’s.

As a pastor, I don’t get a report card but I am being watched and “graded”.  Every Sunday, people rate the sermon…fortunately we haven’t digressed to judge’s score cards (not a bad idea since I think more people would stay awake just to participate).  The fact that I am expected to deliver depth and quality every week is motivating yet exhausting.  The greater the pressure there is to perform, the greater the exhaustion.  I am confronted weekly with a choice to cheat.  I can choose to be lazy and reconstitute what some other speaker did or I can study.

In school, the pressure to perform could drive some people to cheat.  I have no memory that I ever cheated in school but perhaps I didn’t have the same pressure that others did.  Why do people cheat?  Students and adults alike will cheat in life because they don’t or won’t do the work of studying and will instead take the shortcut to the grade.

Now for the point…do we cheat by counting on someone else to do the work for us?  Instead of getting into the Word of God, do we just allow someone else to break it down for us?  Do we rely on a well written book that expounds on a pet topic of ours instead of going to the source of truth?  I have a large library so obviously I’m not discrediting the importance of writing but it does beg the question…Do I have a pattern of just relying on what someone else says about God instead of taking the time to go to God and His Word myself?

“Father, I want to introduce You to my world, but I know that I must first KNOW You.  As I study Your Word, I pray that You would uncover the volumes of the truth of Your love to my heart.  Invade me as I read and meditate on it!”

40 Days of Fasting & Prayer--Day 31

Feb. 2nd-That God’s presence would INVADE my prayer

 

(Luke 18:9-14)

 

This is what I call an ugly duckling passage.  It is ugly because it reveals the depravity and arrogance of my heart but it becomes beautiful when I see the picture of what true humility and reverence for God looks like.  As it relates to my own prayer and approach to God, I think I’m somewhere in between thinking I’m a hot stuff Christian and one who thinks himself completely worthless to the Kingdom.  It all depends on the time of day.

For most of my life, my prayers have gone up out of a sense of duty.  I didn’t feel excited about praying but I did buy in to the importance of it.  I didn’t generally feel a sense of connection with God through prayer, but I think I’ve always had faith enough to believe that He at least hears them.  His consideration of them is an entirely different matter.

 

About a month ago, I had a friend speak some words to me that she felt God had asked her to share with me.  The essence of the message was that I was like a blind man groping for something.  The irony of it all was that I wasn’t blind, but only had my eyes shut to this wonderful glory all around me.  The only thing I really needed to do was to open my eyes and see.  Considering where I am at in my faith journey, this was a powerful insight.

 

That is exactly how I feel about prayer.  I’m a man with a weapon but not really sure which direction to fire it.  I have everything I need but I don’t know how to use it.  I see what could be but I just don’t know how to get there.

 

Over the course of this fast I have had stark realities confronting me.  The more I pray, the more I realize my need for prayer.  The more I seek God, the more I recognize my need to seek God.  The more I trust God, the more I recognize my need to trust God.  The more I obey God, the more I recognize my need to obey God.

 

I have a long time youth pastor compadre who plays guitar, and he once told me that the better he gets at playing, the more he realizes how much he still has to learn.  That is me as it relates to prayer.  As best I can tell, praying more hasn’t made me a “better Christian” or even more effective as a pastor per se.  It has brought me closer to the tax collector who beats his chest and cried out, “God, have mercy!”

 

"Father, You promised in Isaiah that You would restore joy back to the house of prayer.  Today I ask that You would fascinate my prayer life and invade it with power.  I believe that You have wisdom for me everyday, so please guide me as we talk with each other."

40 Days of Fasting & Prayer--Day 30

Feb. 1st-That God’s presence would INVADE my love

(Matthew 25:31-46)

God defines love as action.  Around 1980, Keith Green released a song called “The Sheep and The Goats”.  You can give it a listen here if you’ve never heard it before (no really, you should).  This song is based on today’s passage and I’ve listened to it more than probably any of his other songs.  It got my full attention because at first hearing it seemed to be a stark contrast to the message of grace and love that I wholeheartedly espouse.  Yes, God is a God of justice.  But to say that the Gospel (literally meaning: “good news”) is a message of wrath and judgment does not equate to anything that even closely resembles Good News.

This song got my attention because it very uniquely portrayed how passionately God is in love with His creation.  When looking at the Word of God as a whole, I see one recurring theme about what really cheeses off God…people not loving.

Have you ever thought about the irony of our society as it relates to love?  We use the word love in conversation more than any other culture in the world.

“I love pizza.”

“I love the Super Bowl.”

“I love going out and killing defenseless woodland creatures.”

“I love you.”

The irony is that even though we talk about love all the time, we seem to be one of the most unloving societies in the world.  I don’t throw the “s” word around casually, but the truth is…we suck at loving.

Sure, we respond to crises like the one in Haiti and 9/11.  But in day-to-day living, our actions toward one another don’t look or smell much like love, do they?  I’m not talking about our family. I’m not talking about our friends.  Those things are pretty easy to love by action.  I’m talking about how we treat humanity as a whole.

It is very clear that God’s standard of love is based upon our treatment toward His favorites…the despondent, the downcast, the disabled, the displaced and the disowned.  Not just on a grand scale in a time of crisis, but by the way we live our lives day to day.  I have come a long way in this area, but I have yet to come as far as I have left to go.  I don’t believe that I’m on a celestial scale that indicates my level of love; however, I think Keith Green was right when he said that the only difference between God’s people and every one else (the sheep and the goats) is what they did and didn’t do.

"Lord, I confess to You that I'm clueless when it comes to love.  I do know that because of Your love - I can live and love.  Invade me with Your love so that I can love with the same intensity as You!"